How to be happy when other people succeed and you don't
There is something about myself that I truly hate and I want so badly to change it, but I can't seem to suppress it sometimes. It makes me sick to my stomach and drives my focus away from more important things.
My dirty little secret is this: I have a really hard time when other people succeed and I don't. I take it so personally. I feel like I'm a total loser and that I could never be good enough.
It's a terrible feeling. I hang on to that feeling forever and I dwell on it until I've complete dissolved my self-esteem. I know that I should be happy for others, but deep down I'm beating myself up.
I strongly believe that we can chose how we feel, and we can control how we react to things. I want to share some of the things I've been trying to do to help buoy myself up when I'm feeling like I'm worthless.
Realize you're worth something, no matter what.
This took me a long time to come to grips with. It's hard, especially in the blogging world, when you are working hard but but aren't seeing immediate success while others appear to be doing so well. You have to nip this thought in the bud. You are doing well! Even if it's not in such measurable way! I love Marie Forleo's tagline "Stay on your game and keep going for your dreams because the world needs that special gift that only you have."She nails this on the head. The isn't anyone who can give the world what you can. That makes you special and full of worth.
Do NOT dwell on it.
As I mentioned before, this is my weakness. Whenever I'm upset about something I cannot get it off my mind until I resolve it. In a lot of cases there is nothing to resolve! I simply didn't get something I wanted; however my ego doesn't like to listen to that. Instead of dwelling on an issue I'm trying to come up with a game plan of how I can succeed next time. When we get back up we can come back even stronger.
Find a mentor.
A lot of times, I view everyone in my field as a competitor instead of a mentor. When you see someone succeeding in something you want to do, approach them and ask them to help you succeed as well. It will say a lot more about them than you if they're not willing to lend a hand.
Congratulate people publicly
This may be a "fake it 'till you make it" scenario. Sure, you're jealous and really wish that you had been given the opportunity that someone else was, but that doesn't mean everyone has to know about it. The more you send people happy vibes and congratulations the more you'll actually start to feel happy for people. You'll begin to see how hard others have worked and how much they deserve the success they're getting.
Become a friend
First of all, who doesn't need more friends in the world? The more you associate with someone and try to become their friend the more you'll want them to succeed. You don't want the people you love to fail! Not to mention by becoming a friend you might also gain an excellent mentor who can help you take your dream in the right direction!
Find your own success
When the accomplishments of others start to make you feel like you're less, start to look around and see what you really have. I love the idea of a blessings journal. It gives you an opportunity to focus on all the good in your life and take stock of what you really have. Write down even the smallest of successes, like "I got three likes on my Instagram photo." Three people cared and enjoyed what you put out there! And as little as it may seem, it's a lot to someone else.
Unfollow those that don't make you happy
If you can't seem to shake those feelings of unhappiness and jealous when someone is constantly posting about (or talking about it, if you live in the real world), then just get away from it. Unfollow, unfriend, unlike. Do whatever it takes to get those feelings out of your life. One of my favorite sayings is: "Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." It's not worth following or being around someone when it just creates bad feelings for us. It's ok to walk away and focus on ourselves sometimes.
Ultimately, you get to choose how you feel and what you'll focus on. Choose to be happy - for yourself - and for others.
Congratulate people publicly
This may be a "fake it 'till you make it" scenario. Sure, you're jealous and really wish that you had been given the opportunity that someone else was, but that doesn't mean everyone has to know about it. The more you send people happy vibes and congratulations the more you'll actually start to feel happy for people. You'll begin to see how hard others have worked and how much they deserve the success they're getting.
Become a friend
First of all, who doesn't need more friends in the world? The more you associate with someone and try to become their friend the more you'll want them to succeed. You don't want the people you love to fail! Not to mention by becoming a friend you might also gain an excellent mentor who can help you take your dream in the right direction!
Find your own success
When the accomplishments of others start to make you feel like you're less, start to look around and see what you really have. I love the idea of a blessings journal. It gives you an opportunity to focus on all the good in your life and take stock of what you really have. Write down even the smallest of successes, like "I got three likes on my Instagram photo." Three people cared and enjoyed what you put out there! And as little as it may seem, it's a lot to someone else.
Unfollow those that don't make you happy
If you can't seem to shake those feelings of unhappiness and jealous when someone is constantly posting about (or talking about it, if you live in the real world), then just get away from it. Unfollow, unfriend, unlike. Do whatever it takes to get those feelings out of your life. One of my favorite sayings is: "Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." It's not worth following or being around someone when it just creates bad feelings for us. It's ok to walk away and focus on ourselves sometimes.
Ultimately, you get to choose how you feel and what you'll focus on. Choose to be happy - for yourself - and for others.
