Overcoming the anxiety of an unexpected pregnancy

I used to get really annoyed with people who got pregnant "accidentally," or at least super easily, and weren't happy or excited about it. Before my pregnancy with Benson, Jason and I had tried to get pregnant for what felt like the longest time, then once we did, we had a miscarriage. I thought people who got pregnant quickly and with little-to-no effort should be grateful and should be be nothing but happy, since it had come so easily to them while other struggled with infertility. I felt that way right up until January when I was unexpectedly pregnant and felt so scared.

I've always wanted more kids. Jason and I still aren't settled on how many kids we want. I say a million and he teases that he's fine with just one, or two now. But, regardless of how many kids I want, I was not ready to get pregnant when I did. I had just set out some big goals for myself and I knew that things would need to stay the same in order for me to accomplish them. Getting pregnant was not even on my radar for this year.

But, God had something else in mind for me. He blessed me with another baby. I spent the first several weeks of my pregnancy overcome with the challenges that having another baby would bring. I worried about how I would balance two kids while working from home, how having another baby would mean pushing back my personal goals, how I hadn't gotten back into shape like I wanted to before having another baby. All the negatives were glaring at me and I started to get anxious instead of excited about adding a new member to our family.

The problem with anxiety is that it steals the happiness out of life. Instead of being excited about all the pregnancy milestones that were coming up, I was buried under a pile of fear. Finally I realized, I didn't want to miss out on anymore of this pregnancy so I decided I had to change my focus.

I used these tools to help find the positives in being pregnant until I didn't have to focus so hard on being happy. Now, I really am excited about bringing baby girl into our family!

Think about the baby not about yourself. 

It's so easy to be overwhelmed during the first trimester when you feel absolutely terrible and you're completely zapped of energy. I found that it was during those first 13 weeks that I had the most doubts about being pregnant. I worried about every little thing and couldn't see the joy in pregnancy and in having another baby because I was so consumed with stress and anxiety. 

It takes a strong change in perspective when things are tough to make the most out of a bad situation. Every time I was hovering over the toilet feeling nauseous, I had to remind myself that these were good signs. This all meant that baby was growing strong and healthy. When I didn't want to eat because nothing sounded good I had to remind myself that the baby needed me to eat. It wasn't all about me anymore. It was time to focus on her.

Find an aspect about pregnancy to be excited about

Finding out the baby's gender is always the most exciting part of pregnancy for me. Before 20 weeks I try not to worry about decorating or buying clothes, but as soon as I have the gender ultrasound I go into hard core planning mode. Picking out a nursery theme and filling my registry always help me get excited about the baby. 

I also love picking out names. When I was pregnant with Benson, Jason and I thought about names but couldn't agree on any boys names until after we found out that we were having a boy. Once we had a name picked out it made the whole thing seem real. We don't tell anyone our baby names before they're born but it's so fun to call the baby by name when it's just the two of us.

Realize just how blessed you are. 

Because I've been on both sides of the spectrum I know just how blessed I am that it didn't take another year, or more to get pregnant. Sure, I would have liked to have gotten pregnant on my own schedule. It might have helped me to not have to deal with the anxiety that this pregnancy brought, but that wasn't what was right for me and my family.

Instead of focusing on my plan and my schedule, I'm learning to trust in God's plan for my life. Maybe my kids will be best friends because they'll be close in age. Maybe they'll resent me for making their birthdays so close (they'll be a week or two apart.) Either way this was what was in store for me and I need to be grateful that God blessed me with another baby.

I know that there are women out there who struggle with infertility and there are women who are so blessed to get pregnant at the drop of the hat. I'm glad I've been able to experience both because it's helped me realize that we can't judge each other based our trials or our blessings. It's different for each person and you have to let people feel whatever feelings they have about their situation. 

So, to all the women that I secretly judged, I'm sorry. I had no idea what you were going through. I'm just glad I'm able to understand a little bit better now. 

Photos by Kelly Gubler

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